I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
