I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Never let your siblings swipe right.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
