She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
