How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
