Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
