whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
