I'm jealous of your bromance
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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