I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
