Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
