my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
