sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
