am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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