$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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