That's when you crack a 10am beer
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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