im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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