She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
