i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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