Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish i was in the wii world.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
