You made me cry and you don't even care
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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