What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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