So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
