I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize