She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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