I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
