I think I died a long time ago.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
