Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
