Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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