She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
