just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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