Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize