Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is Oprah even human
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
