do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
