I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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