They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
