You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
