Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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