member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Randomize
