dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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