I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
