Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize