god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
