On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize