So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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