you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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