I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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