I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
