I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
