i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
