He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
