He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
