You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
