I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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