Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
