so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm always down for nudity.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
