I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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