Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
