note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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