today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
