We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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