at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
and you fell through a lawn chair
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
