i jhust puked up my retainher.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
