You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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