Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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