i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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