This girl is more easily done than said...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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