I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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