How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
