Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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