shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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