thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize