In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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