Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize