Can i not drive my cunt home
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
