Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
