New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i think my cat just said my name.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
