that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
