Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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