she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
